Google announces all 1,100 cities will get fiber

Mountain View, CA (4/1/11)
The head of Google's Fiber Initiative, Milo Medin, announced today that all 1,100 cities that applied for Google fiber will be included in a second round of fiber buildouts by the search giant. Unlike Kansas City, which is getting Google fiber on very favorable terms, the other 1,099 cities will be required to sign a more restrictive contract with Google before the company will start constructing fiber. Among the terms in the contract:

• The local government of each selected city will be required to use Google Docs for all government documents, including memos, letters, water bills, spreadsheets, and tax bills.
• Every household and business that wants to get Google fiber will have to give Google a tax lien on their property that allows Google to take ownership of the property if the household or business uses Bing for online searches.
• All vehicle owners will be required to allow Google to attach a GPS device to their auto or truck to allow realtime tracking of what stores are visited. The device will have the ability to turn the car's engine off if the driver visits a business that does not purchase a minimum amount of Google Adwords advertising. Additionally, every vehicle will be required to have a bumper sticker that says, "Powered by Google."
• Every child in each community will receive an Android-powered tablet device at the age of two, and Google will provide a full suite of Google Docs so that the search company has access to everything the child does online from age two to eighteen. Google expects this will allow the child to benefit mentally from "enhanced search results."
• Every resident over the age of eighteen will be given a special Android-powered phone that works on the Sprint network, which will be purchased by Google to support the Community Fiber initiative. The special phones will record every conversation, text, and photo, and store them in special customer dossiers that will conveniently allow for "enhanced search results" to be delivered to phone owners.
• In cooperation with the Department of Homeland Security, Google will provide the Federal government with complete access to every bit of data collected via Google Fiber and Google/Sprint wireless networks. Google explained that this enhances public safety by allowing the FBI and DHS to identify criminals before a crime has even been committed, using new Google artificial intelligence engines that generate special "criminal minority reports" that will be transmitted daily to DHS.

Google indicated that the company has no intention of forcing any community to agree to accept the wide range of services and infrastructure enhancements, so it has developed a special one step process that gives each community a democratic process for choosing participation. A voter referendum would be put on the ballot at the next local election which will state, "We agree to disband our local government, including all elected and appointed officials, and replace them with Google Fiber Initiative staff: YES/NO." If the referendum is passed, then and only then will Google build fiber infrastructure in the community.

In the press conference announcing this on April 1st, Google officials conceded that the program "might not be a good fit for every community that applied."